I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
