Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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