i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
