The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
