Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
