1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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