Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
