saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
don't judge my taste in strippers
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I want a musical about memes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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