He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
