Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
