how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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