The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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