Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
