he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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