saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
