he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
