Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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