i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
