I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
