Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
