Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
