So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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