So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
