i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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