You're so nebulous sometimes
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
