he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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