im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
