Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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