Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
