they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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