I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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