maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
