You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
