I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
