yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
