if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
