Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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