Me. At least after what I've been through.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
