So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
