I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
