she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
