Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
