you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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