3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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