One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
