i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
