So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
