somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
