she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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