I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
