I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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