my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
