WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
