you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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