so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
